Coping with the loss of a spouse

One day you are married. The next day you are single, alone and grieving. It will happen. Nothing is forever.

The bottom line is that everyone will need to journey on this rough passage, through a maze of details, decisions, forms to fill out, shock, loneliness, anger, confusion, fear, and depression. However, there can also be acceptance and new beginnings.

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross wrote many years ago about the "stages of grieving": denial (shock), bargaining, anger, depression, and acceptance. It is important to realize that these stages don’t have any particular order, and that some people experience themselves back in a stage they thought they had already conquered.

This is normal part of grief.

Don’t allow yourself to get caught up with having to do things within a certain time frame. You’ll know the right time to empty drawers and closets and deal with personal items like wallets and purses. Wait until you are ready.

Pain is necessary. So are tears. Tears do help. Crying is a healing device.

Many people are uncomfortable with death. As a result, they will say and do dumb things. Forgive these folks. They don’t know what to do or that it is ok to mention your spouse’s name, or look you in the eye, or to give you a hug.

Your life is changed and changing. The calendar will have a different effect on you as your wedding anniversary, Valentines’ Day, special events, birthdays and holidays come around. These dates must be dealt with. Plan ahead for them, and do what you want to do. Don’t let yourself be manipulated by family and friends.